The Legend of Tipsy O’Toole

Tipsy O’Toole lived in a small town on the border of some small state in some small country. Every day, Tipsy would venture out from his home and stumble to the local bar. Tipsy, being a dipsomaniac, needed to visit the bar constantly. Breakfast, lunch, and dinner Tipsy could be found sprawled out on the floor next to his usual table in the corner.

Jerry, the bartender, always just stood behind the bar watching Tipsy. It was always believed that Jerry always just stood there behind the bar because that is what a bartender does, however, it has recently become known that Jerry is a Germanophobe, which by itself means absolutely nothing, but there was always a group of Germans who would come and just sit at a table between Jerry and Tipsy. The Germans would just sit there, sitting all day long, just sitting. It was originally thought that the Germans had nothing better to do, but it has recently been discovered that these Germans, Bill, Bart, and Burt, are all bibliophobes. The fact that they are all afraid of books would mean nothing normally, however, it just so happens that after the Germans entered the bar one day, a library was built across the street from the bar. So, the Germans just sit there afraid of the books outside.

Another regular at the bar is Cleo. Cleo was a construction worker who helped to build the bar. He has been inside ever since the bar was built. The bar was designed with a long narrow passage way for an entrance, and so Cleo, who happens to be claustrophobic, will not leave the bar.

Perhaps one of the main reasons no one has left the bar for a long time is because a long time ago, Kevin, the local kleptomaniac, stole the key to the bar door for no reason at all. Now, the door remains locked and everyone inside is either too afraid or too drunk to move.

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