It is no secret that as I have been contemplating the idea of leaving Philadelphia and returning home to the place of my childhood I have been filled with a degree of apprehension. While I do think in the long run I will look back upon this decision and view it as a good idea, I still have my doubts. I am essentially going into the unknown.
I have made the decision to make the move north and this train is not stopping or turning back. This is actually happening. In the weeks and days leading up to this point I have encountered feelings that I never really expected. The first of these was the feelings of nostalgia for Philadelphia and that I might actually miss this place. As much as I have perhaps focused on a lot of miserable things that have occurred over the past decade while residing in Philadelphia, there have also been a lot of good time. And certainly a lot of wild times. These were certainly my years in the wilderness.
Another thing that I wasn’t expecting was how the return home has made me feel. Over the last few years I’ve felt movement of time. I even on occasion looked at myself in the mirror and though how old I’ve become. How old and tired I looked. Since I decided to return north I have felt energized. A lot of this I’m sure has to do with the dismantling of the Manor. I have had a lot of work to do in preparation for the move which has helped keep my body and mind busy. During this period I have noticed my encounter with mirrors has not been as loathsome. And for the first time today I actually looked at my reflection and thought I look younger than I have in a long time.