The Commonwealth released the results of this year‚Äôs bar exam today. The process by which they do so is in a highly visible public manner. The Board of Bar Examiners publishes on their website a list of all the names of applicants that have successfully passed the exam. If a name does not appear, that applicant did not pass. Now it doesn‚Äôt quite rise to the level of public shaming as only those in the know, as in those who know of someone who took the exam, would be aware if a name appear or not. It can be a rather embarrassing experience for some that do not make the cut, but it is nonetheless a tolerated practice.
I took the exam this year and was among those waiting for the results to be posted today. After refreshing the website a few times, the results finally appeared.
My name was not included.
At first the emotion was disappointment and a whirlwind of thought pondering what lies ahead. I soon after took a nap and when I awoke I decided to try to relax a bit and clear my mind. I dimmed the lights, put on some music, and broke out the Lagavulin.¬†¬† After a short time of rolling things around in my head I began to wonder if this was a good turn of events.¬†¬† Perhaps this was what I needed to try and set things right again.
For a good while life has been a rollercoaster where I have been able to do not much more than just hang on and hope for the best as the ride got progressively wilder and unpleasant. In addition to this I have been battling with the idea of returning home to New England. Perhaps this was the catalyst I needed.
My disappointment turned to hope and I oddly began to cry slightly. They were not tears of sadness though, no, these were tears of relief.
This feels right.